I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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