I'm drive I can fine osifer
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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