In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
