i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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