The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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