i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
