I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize