i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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