I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize