Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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