Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
