Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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