i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
