You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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