"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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