remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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