remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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