Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
