Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
