Someone shit on the floor
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
