im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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