smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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