My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
