Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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