Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
