if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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