I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
