Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize