you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
