Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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