Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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