seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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