Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
