she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
