Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
