The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
