yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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