I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
