I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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