The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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