Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
