So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
