4 words: hood of his car
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
