careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Redeem this text for a blowjob
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
