Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
