i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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