how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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