Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
