apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You ate ashes out of my bong
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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