you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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