Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
