apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
