just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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