i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize