How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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