I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
