im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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