he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
