He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
