well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
