Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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