Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
