I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cat gives me a boner
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
