im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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