New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
