maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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