And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
