mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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