My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
