Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
